This time of year always brings me mixed emotions. Gregg and I have spent more time in the hospital during this time of the year, then watching fireworks. Our first year of dating Gregg ended up in the hospital with severe dehydration (too much softball in the sun). Year two (first year of marriage) I had liver issues and a miscarriage. Year three (second year of marriage) I was hospitalized for a week (in Seattle) and then our precious Madison came. She was 1 pound 6 oz and 27 weeks gestation. There were three years of oxygen, confinement to our house to ensure our precious child did not get sick, 4-5 appointments a week (Dr, OT, PT, Speech, Play Therapy), Gregg changing jobs three times, and I was working full-time. It was a blur of learning, tears, blessings, friends, family, and joy. Year six, ah some breathing room, ( I thought). Little Emma came along after a week of hospitalization (around my birthday). She came in at 2 pounds 6 ounces. Again we faced hospitalization in Seattle and another child on the road of prematurity. This time Emma was much stronger and the road was much easier. I say "easier" as it did not hold as many life threatening events and two less months of hospitalization for Emma.
So this time of year makes me think and ponder what is in store for my life, what have I learned, what am I learning, and what do I need to learn. What have I learned? What it truly means to have a mother's love (still reminded and learning), to really appreciate the moms I have in my life, miracles still happen today, you can still feel Gods arms around you when you are in the pit, I am actually a very calm person in a crisis, to thank God every time I hear a baby cry (I did not get to hear Madison for over three months), love the small moments, to verbally ask for help, and that Gregg is the husband God gave me. The big one is don't dwell on the small stuff. I remind myself of the day that we had to choose to take Madison off life support and what was important that day to me. I then look at the situation I am facing....is it worth the time to dwell on it?, does it matter?, learn the lesson and move on, God gives you what you can handle (you can handle alot with God), and forgive and forget (really truly forget). Oh and sometimes the trials in your life are not for you to learn something sometimes God is teaching others around you.
So as I ponder all of this every year around this time I thank God that I have the family and friends that he has given me. Also to my mom who has made it a point to make a special "birthday" day for me of shopping or pampering the past few years and to Sasha who always plans something out of the ordinary and fantabulous for me. Some people may say...."hey, your 34, birthdays are not that big of a deal"..... But these people have ensured that it is a big deal and have blessed me.
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