The Day I Died

I was reminded today about a poem that I wrote about Madison when she was in the NICU at Swedish Hospital about 9&1/2 years ago, so I thought that I would post it. It's a little long and emotional, but it's a good reminder for me about how fragile she was and how far she has come.

The Day I Died

The day I died,

Started like any other,

My Mommy and Daddy were here to visit me

They're very nice, they're here all the time

I'm only two pounds, if that

My lungs don't work right, I can't eat

I have a tube down my throat

But, I still have my binky

I still have my Mommy and Daddy

I was very excited

My Mommy and Daddy were going to be there

They were going to see me be weighed in

I'm only two pounds, but it takes five people to move me

Two nurses, a respiratory therapist, and others I don't remember now

I see my Mommy and Daddy

They look so proud

My people pick me up to move me, on the count of three

They're going to put me on the scale

My Mommy and Daddy are going to see how big I've gotten

They're going to be so proud

Then, the looks on their faces scares me

Bells and sirens go off

I've never heard these noises before

They're not my normal alarms

My Mommy and Daddy get pushed out of the way

As more of my people come rushing in

I can't see my Mommy and Daddy

My people are in the way

Then I see them, with tears in their eyes

They look scared

My people are all around me, what can I do

My people are playing with the tube in my throat

As things go gray

I hear my people talking about me

They're saying that I'm blue, then white

Then... I fall asleep

When I wake, my people are pushing on my chest

It hurts real bad

They're talking about my oxygen levels, blood pressure and stuff

They stop pushing on my chest

I see someone behind the front line, with paddles in her hands

She is one of my people, and she says she's ready

One of my people, one of my doctors

She says that she's not needed now, but stay close by

Those paddles scare me

What do they do

I'm only two pounds

Please be gentle

As I look around at my people

There are more than my fingers and toes

They're all looking at me, touching me

My doctor then finishes playing with my tube

It really hurts to swallow

I can't find my binky

Some of my people are starting to leave

One by one

They don't look as scared any more

But, I still have my five people

Around me, helping me

"Can you get my Mommy and Daddy?"

They were scared

They were pushed out into the hall

I just wanted them to be proud of me

I'm getting so big

I'm two pounds now, at least, maybe more

I want them to hold me

I want to be hugged

But they can't, I'm only two pounds

My lungs are too fragile

I can't breath on my own

My Mommy and Daddy are coming back in

They don't look so scared

I still see that they're crying

But, it's different, some how

They reach through my wires and tubes and under my plastic blanket

They rub my head, I know

They love me unconditionally

They will always be there for me

And right now, they're hugging me with their hearts

And on that fateful night

The day that I died

Something changed inside me

I do not know what

It may be the love my Mommy and Daddy showed

It might have helped to see my people work so hard

Or the people praying 'round the world

I know that I still have a long journey and many battle ahead

But I know that I need to change this title to:

The Day I Started Fighting Back

Gregg